I Don't Do Surprises...

You know,I just hate hate hate suprises! I hate being caught off gurad,unprepared. I like having a plan,being in control. It's just me. So,you can imagine how I must have been feeling a few weeks ago,when at a fabulous party I met this wonderful specimen of a Homo Sapien male who,from the aesthetics,was ticking all the right boxes. It went a lil like this...

Sitting on a couch with a bunch of friends,and he is sitting across from me. Occassionally our eyes would meet and in my 'I think I'm in love' mode,gave off a giddy giggle. Like what am I? 12...*sigh*

Anyway,I take the time to look him up and down to make sure there's nothing unusual that might put me off. Shoes. Check. Hands. Check (I have an obsession with male hands,there's something about them being large and strong looking that's oh so sexy) Hair. Hmm,wearing a hat,so can't really tell,but I'm guessing can't be that bad. Check. Sense of Style. Check ( I appreciate men who take pride in their appearance. Women take time out to look good,and it's only fair that the other half go the extra mile aswell). Sense of humour. Sort of. He hardly speaks,which intrigues me even more,I like a man with a bit of mystery,but it's his silky smooth barritone voice with the perfect english accent that has me hooked. Mmmm...I think.I'm.in.love

He gets up to grab a drink at the bar,and I notice he is about 6''2. Could this get any better? I get up,armed full of confidence and ready to make a move,when i notice him take off his hat. And right there in front of me,staring me straight in the face is a massive bald patch. My heart drops. How could a man who appears perfect lose it all so quickly? And the thing is,I don't really have a problem with men lacking in the hair department,but he had longer bits hanging with little black specks randomly covering the hairless patch and it just looked wrong. He would have looked sexxxy if he just shaved his head bald.

He notices me from behind him,and I smile nervously,and trying not to act like I haven't just seen a head desperatley crying out for Advanced Hair Studios! I spend the rest of the night talking to my girlfriends about this guy who I thought was a 10,turn into a 1.5(on a good day). It then had me thinking,what are some major deal breakers for women?

I have girlfriends who won't date men who don't earn in the 6-figures. They.just.won't.budge. I have a girlfriend who broke up with what seemed like the perfect guy in theory,all because of the size of his,ahem,equipment. I know a few sister friends who only have love for the brothers. I always thought guys where the picky ones until I asked my girlfriends,and they have lists. I have heard things like ' He can't have kids' to be 'willing to accept that I am a WORKING woman'. One of my BFF's has a thing for men who don't drive. She likes being chauffuered around...and I always say,well Miss Daisy,what happens if he does drive but beats the shit out of you? Would it then matter that he had a car? I couldn't halp but wonder if all these man-cpectations are a little over the top.

What happened to just finding a law-abiding,resectful and hardworking human being? I blame celebrity culture for our greed. We want everything,but is it fair to want qualities in your significant partner that you're not willing to adapt to yourself? I've never been one for aesthetics...I spent my late teens and early twenties dating the hottest guys,which just showed me how vain looks can be. I'm not attracted to money or guys with money,I find them rather quite arrogant and chauvinistic. Would I not date someone of they had a child? I'm not that vain,but I did have an ex who fathered a child whilst we were together and I had no idea that he was cheating until after we broke up.

I have issues dating guys below 27. It's nothing personal,just a preference. I also don't date men who can't and don't read. It's just sexxxy when a man can read...and spell. I have been turned off so much in the past by men who can't bloody spell. Or use that stupid teenage text language. 'Hey Bebi,wat u doin? wanna hangout sumtym l8r? x' So many things wrong with that I won't even begin to explain...But needless to say,definite deal breaker!

So,lovely ladies,what are some of your deal breakers?


The more you know...

Abs-F*cken-Lutely!!

Dear friends,

As I type this blog,it's past 3am and I'm dying of hunger. Why you may ask?
Because I'm in a rut. An exercise rut! I cannot be fucked getting up early in the
freezing Melbourne cold to walk to the gym,that's literally 5 minute walk from my house.
I just can't! I've tried everything,from sleeping with my gym clothes on,to having 5 alarms go
off at the same time,to sticking Halle Berry's POST-Baby body on my fridge to make me feel
guilty about having a body that resembles a 60 year olds. Okay,so it's not that bad,
but let's just say,you couldnt pay me enough to take my kit off...

So,why do I need to be exercising? Well,I was doing so well,3 times a week for an hour,
body as banging,them I got sad,and when I get sad,child I eat! Everything and anything and
I gained 5 pounds...and I only had 5 more to go,so now I have to shed 10 pounds! Grrr...

I'm producing a TV show that will go on-air in a month and we film in 3 weeks. I was interviewing Wil Anderson last Friday (Yes,THE Wil Anderson,Gruen...such a hottie),
and I was looking abck at the photos and I thought I looked like a mini rhinosaurus...
My friends,as sweet as they are,told me it's all in my head,and it probably is,but my BMI is 1
value off normal,I'm 26...I'm supposed to be a 25,am I being paranoid??

So,decided,today is the day I start anew and see how long I'll last...No carbs for 3 weeks...
I'll be one cranky person! Lol...but I am soo looking forward to Janet Jackson like abs...
So,so hot! Okay,excited,now just need to get the dust off those tennis shoes and find my gym card,before I have another excuse not to go! And if you're like me,going through an exercise rut,
let me know...We can share our pain together!




The more you know...

Say Whaaaaaaa??!!!

I have this obsession. With words. OCD-like. I like finding interesting words/phrases in the English vocab and I laugh at the word and how stupid it sounds.Kinda like when you get stoned and stare at a blank wall and laugh at it,when there's really nothing you're looking at (not that'd I'd know,I'm just saying...)

So,I decided to Google obsessions/psycho-disorders to see if there's a definition for my 'condition'(I just rhymed.Yay!), and this whole list of obsessions I had no idea existed came up.

I'll share a few.

1) Dipsomania - Abnormal craving for alcohol ( And then there's Methomania - Morbid craving for alcohol...Umm...)

2)Necromania - Sexual obsession with dead bodies

3)Peotillomania - Abnormal compulsion for pulling on the penis (hmm...)

4)Polkamania - Obsession with polka dancing..( I wonder what the obbsession for polka dots is?)

And the list goes on...So,I find myself right at the bottom. Verbomania. Obsession with words.

Hmm...I feel like I should be attending Verbomaniacs Anyonymous classes. 'Hi,my name is Santilla, and I'm a Verbomaniac'...

I like my obsession. It's better than being born a number three (Peotillomaniac),and go around pulling people's Captain Winkie's?

By the way,have you ever noticed how people always give you a weird side look when you mention the word Penis or Vagina out loud? Especially over dinner. Say them both together and you get the 'OMG...You should call it a pee-pee' face or associate it with something cute and cuddly? Umm,sorry to burst your bubble,but aint nothing cute and cuddly about that. It's the sensitivity that people have to the Medical reference of organs that CREATED them that always amazes me. It's like you've morphed into one of those unfunny and insensitive people that crack 15 jokes that aren't funny or tell a Jewish mate of yours 'Hey,you know what's funny? The Holocaust!' The Oh-No-You-Di-int look that the person you've offended greets you with.

I mean seriously. People have mortified looks on their faces acting like they don't even know what you're talking about when they spent the last 5 hours before seeing you in the company of one!

I.refuse.to.say Vaj-jay-jay*! (Sorry Oprah.)

*I do however say 'tinkle' when I need to urinate. The latter is just an ugly word,and the former sounds like it's fairy glitter dust that you're releasing...hmm...TMI?!

I digress.

So,what is my solution to this wittle problem?! Sharing it with you of course! I'll regularly post words I find amusing/interesting and what they mean and encourage you to use them (It'll make you seem smart around your dumb friends,and stupid around your smart friends...it's a win-win!).

We begin with...*Drum roll please...*

FLIBBERTIGIBBET ˌfli-bər-tē-ˈji-bət

1) A flighty,frivolous or excessivley talkative person

2) Gossip

3)A silly,scatterbrained ,or garrous person

Have fun with the word,I'm sure everyone knows a flibbertigibbet. If you don't,then it's probably you! Let me know what your favourite words in English,or another language are,or if you have a weird obsession as well.

The more you know...

Rules of (Dis)Engagement

Hello Earthlings...
Well, I just recently got back into the 'dating' scene and having spent the last 3 years making a whole tonne of 'don'ts'...it's about darn time that I learnt from them. So, what have I learnt you may ask? Not everyone loves John Denver...Or Kenny G...! What you may consider cool and quirky just comes plain off weird and uninteresting and apparently, men like interesting! Be Cool. Drink Milk.

Enough of the digressing, so I have come to the cold conclusion, that, as much as I don't like to believe it, rules exist in dating and if you don't adhere to them, you will get burnt. So, why all these games you may ask? Well, imagine the animal kingdom for example...before the Lion captures his mate, a long period of 'chasing' ensues, before the Lioness finally gives in to the strongest Lion. And it's usually the Lion vying for her attention (then again, lionesses mate with more than one male at a time)...

So, what can we learn from the animal kingdom apart from the fact that Lions copulate twenty to forty times a day for several days without eating?!

Well, I thought you'd never ask my friends...so without further ado...I present my list of Dating Do's and Don’ts for the lay-deez courtesy of this here link, but modified slightly, that will hopefully help you make wiser choices and not repeat past mistakes, it’s all in good fun. Feminists...you have been warned!

1. Look good. Now I'm not saying be high maintenance, but take pride in how you look and dress. Ladies, we all know how good we feel when we look good. Confidence is always sexy and besides, no one wants to date Miss Dunkin Donuts 2009 (ouch!). Look presentable and stay healthy, and you'll turn heads. First impressions are lasting and men decide if they're interested, not by the fact that you can recite all Shakespearean novels, or do a standing split, whilst balancing a book on your head half drunk (which mind you, is a very good trick if you can master it, not that I would know…), but they react, initially, by what they see...Capiche?

Capiche.

2. Keep the dates/encounters brief. Keep him guessing and coming back for more. Revealing everything about yourself makes you uninteresting and frankly no one wants to date boring... It’s like finding out that Harry Potter doesn’t die after all in the last book, before having read past the first book!! Don’t give away too much…

3. Keep him waiting. You shouldn't have to pull out your own chair. And he can have a really good excuse, but it's rude. A lady must never be left waiting.

4. I like this one. Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know a Florist...pull a Johnnie Walker, and keep walking!

Zing!

5. Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying. No matter how strong the urge is to pick up the phone EVERY TIME he calls, do.not.do.it!!…Avoid volleying random text messages and answer only when necessary!

6. If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday. I have gotten into PLENTY of discussions with my girlfriends about this, and truth is, when you're too available or desperate, a man loses interest and you turn into a doormat. He should be chasing you ladies! *You can give in every once in a while though…playing TOO hard to get can backfire as well. Key phrase, ONCE IN A WHILE*

7. You're doing it, you’re doing it, you’re doing it…NOT! Never EVER sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything. I repeat, do not sleep with him early on in the game. No matter how much the urge, don’t rationalise it…Trust me, it will end badly!

Self explanatory people...the thing is, with women, we get emotional the minute sex gets thrown in...And you would rather someone got to know you for you, not coz he wants to get the prize.
If he breaks-up with you because you won’t sleep with him early on, then you know that he was in it for the wrong reasons, and good riddance! Besides, when you do it early on, you hardly know the person and you could end up like this woman.

Can I get a witness?

Amen.

*** PSA: STD's Kill...Use a condom***

8. Keep him waiting. Don't show up early. From the wise words of Bobby Brown,’ it’s my prerogative'...Nuff Said.

9. If the guy in the corner is a Lenny Kravitz look-alike (I have a ‘thing’ for Mr. Kravitz…) go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.

This one is kind of a contradiction to all the other rules...but it makes sense a lot of the time. You don't have to wait for the guy to make the moves first. Some women exude a certain 'aura' about them that intimidates or makes men shy away from them. It’s simple, if you like him, go say 'hello'...

10. This is one of mine. Never get his number. Let him get your digits. Even when he tries to give you his number, don’t take it. This ensures he calls you and you don't call him on a drunken night out with the girls, professing your undying love, and how your wedding to him will be presided by the Dalai Lama and the names of all 16 of your kids, including the 2 you plan on adopting from the mountains of Mongolia before you retreat to Antarctica to help save the seals whilst living with the Eskimos for 2 years... Or maybe that's just me...

*sigh*

So kids, what have we learnt from all this? Let me know and share some of your tips and 'rules' about the dating game. I am off to use some of them in the real world and also hide the stash of John Denver Cd's .March is the month of all things lovey dovey, and kiss kiss (Shout to Chris Brown)..

Stays posted and remember,the more you know...

-Santi

Oscar

I don't know about you,but I happen to be a huge fan of the Oscar's and have never missed a show since I can remember. From childhood dreams of walking the red carpet with my leading man to wearing the most beautiful gown on the planet and having hundreds of cheering fans applaud my nomination and then the moment...the speech!

I live for public speaking,nothing about it freaks me out. I would imagine first witnessing my category being announced and smilingly graciously as my fellow nominees are mentioned,then the tearing of the envelope...'And the Oscar for Outstanding Performance by and actress in a Lead Role goes to....". Silence. My name has just been announced and as I try and take it all in,overwhelmed by emotion and still trying to pull it all off with the elegance only Grace Kelly would,I am ushered to the podium where I deliver a speech that will forever be embedded in the minds of those that witnessed such an historic moment...

But that was just a childhood dream. Not to say it wouldn't be,borrowing from pop culture,cool...but my dreams now go beyond that. I however still dream of the leading man,the gown,the speech and the admiration..but in a different arena. I am no actress,nor do I aim for such. But I still love how every time I watch the Academy Awards,the same zeal that I felt as I child comes rushing back as if it's all new.

The press on the other hand always have an opinion about the show. Every year it gets worse and as much as the men and women who accept the coveted gold-plated man,I can't help but ask myself,'I haven't seen any of the nominated movies'.

It seems to me that movies these days are all about big-budgets,messages to deliver,biopics,period pieces and anything outside these genres hardly stand a chance. I on the other hand view film as a canvas that allows me to escape and imagine myself in the characters taking over the screen.

This is mostly of the romantic comedy kind,and such movies a very rarely nominated for the actors talents. I find it quite unfortunate really,because such movies are the reason why I pay $14 dollars on tight-arse Tuesday. I don't line up for films like 'The Reader','The Wrestler','The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' or 'Changeling'. As remarkable and Oscar worthy as the performances may have been,I like to feel good after a film,not asking more questions. That's the point of going in the first place to escape the sadness of the world.

So,fellow readers of thy humble blog,what say you?




The more you know...

Recession,Depression....

Unless you've been hiding under a rock,living on Mars,or both (though I still find it hard to believe),you have no doubt heard about the meltdown of global economies. Now if you,like me,watched the news wondering how this will affect the average man,then read on.

recession is a word that never existed in my vocab until all this talk about it. I hate talking about money,budgeting,or saving. Quite frankly,it depresses me. And I've never been good at math,so it's a subject I've all together purposefully ignored,until I read an article recently about the economy getting so bad that people can not even afford to get a divorce. Dang!

It's that bad y'all.

So what does it mean for people who live off paycheck to paycheck,spend thousands on trends and fads and have never saved a penny in their life? Well,quite simply,you're screwed.

Ok,It's not that bad...yet. Unless you don't have a job,then we can start saving every little cent/penny/kroner/rand/lira. I am no financial expert. I have a lifestyle invested on spending,spending and more spending. I have items of clothing stacked in my wardrobe I have purchased but never worn. Shoes that I spent hundreds on and never worn more than once,CD's,Vinyl records and hundreds of accessories,some of which I don't remember buying.

Anyway,all of this depressing money talk had me thinking as to when we as a society became more consumer driven and the big corporations determined our lifestyles. I just feel we don't have a sense of who we really are anymore. It's like we have to be told what to do,directly or indirectly,through advertising and marketing schemes.

This in turn has turned us into these debt-ridden and seemingly insecure beings who are clueless about quite alot. Now,I am guilty of being sucked into this trap,but its seems more and more people feel that to be accepted,you have to buy into this culture. Why do I need magazines,music videos and films telling me what I should wear?

I was reading a magazine article on how to land the man of your dreams! I mean its sooo ridiculous because magazines sell more copies when they include such bollocks and women are very quick to buy into this stuff. I mean heck,if that was the case,we'd all be in happy,healthy relationships. But the sad reality is it was probably written by a spinster who decided to make money off gullible innocent beings.

I have no time for such. Because of all of this,women have lost alot of self worth and identity and feel that to get the man of their 'dreams',they have to go out their way to be something they're not. I'm not one for playing games. Maybe that explains my single status,but I'd never compromise the person who I am,just to get a man. Take it or leave it. I refuse to sit by a bar and run my finger around a martini glance while subtlety staring at a man who I happen to be attracted to while biting at tooth picked olive in a sexually suggestive way. I refuse to.

I'm old school. If someone likes me or I like them,I'm upfront. I don't need a magazine,movies,or books to tell me how i should 'approach' them likes its some science. It's about as ridiculous as a Glamour magazine article that said get any man to propose by being a person who is 'different' from who you normally are. Case in point:

If you've been dating someone for a long time and you want them to propose,don't mention babies,marriage..it drives them away. Why would you want to deceive someone into marrying you? Hence why 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.

I mean it's gotten so out of hand and these big corporations know this that these days its rare to watch a movie without product placement being included. I happened to be watching a bootleg version of 'The Women' a few weeks ago and couldn't help but notice the amount of Dove products in the film.

it's great that Dove have the 'Real Beauty' campaign,but at the end of the day,they're out to make money off gullible people and it's just another marketing strategy to get consumers to buy their products. It's like the whole who-ha in magazine land of including 'average sized' women in their glossies,but the mag still contains at least 70% of the anorexic models.

Now,what's a girl to do? If all of this is being shoved in your face,you have no choice but to go with herd. Being different ain't as cool as it used to be. this is true. Anyone else who tells you so,is lying,to make you and themselves feel better about not being as skinny as the chick in the magazines,and internally are struggling with their own insecurities. Maybe I'm wrong,I doubt it though...because if I was,the world wouldn't be in the state its in.

What say you??

On that note,I can't help you with your finances,but go see your bank people,check out some useful websites,and educate yourself on the recession and the the impact it may have on you.

The more you know....

Santi

New Year...New Dawn.....

Hey Y'all...

Okay,first of all apologies for not posting since last year. I was on holiday all summer long and just got back. It's so weird how towards the end of the year you lose all sense of motivation and drive and just want the year to end,and at the start of the year,everything is rejuvenated and goals and ambitions start leave the dusty back burner and attended to with the same zeal and determination...if only it lasted the whole 365 days! *sigh*...

it's like when you go to Church on a Sunday and you say to yourself,'I ain't never sinning again...Lord take me higher..' and you end up breaking one of the commandments less than 24 hours after the sermon...


Or when you watch a documentary about war ravaged countries and make a pledge to help the poor orphan kids....but never do...


Or when you decide to make this year the year you volunteer a year of your life to helping build schools in Chile...but find out all the good festivals are on when you're gone,hmm helping the poor or seeing Sigur Ros LIVE Dude!! Besides,I already bought the tickets...


Or you finally decide to move up out of your folks home and get a place of your own...But after spending your whole pay last Friday night on 3 exchange students from Norway and ended up spending your savings on a goat in Lithuania because it looked cute in the picture...

***Note: Shout out to those who ACTUALLY moved out this year***


Or when you read and hear about the recession and global financial meltdown and say 'today is the day Ima start saving'...and end up paying for a mini-holiday because it was on sale online...


...Or,and this one is for the ladies...while flipping through a Fashion magazine and happen to spot a picture of a fantastically airbrushed post-pregnancy Halle Berry in something resembling a bikini (By resembling,not quite a bikini as the average woman wouldn't be able to wear it because of a shortage of fabric) and can't believe a 40+ year old body looks better than your own 22 year old one..and decide after the last quarter of a tub of choc chip flavoured ice-cream,you'll start the diet of your life so help you God...but it lasts for 3 days??I swear I was doing well,but I was out for lunch and you know how it is,besides,I'll start anew tomorrow ;)..with me ladies?


Or is just me?...hmm

*sigh* Oh Well.

There's always next year.

Don't fret the small stuff.

Word.


Well,moving along,I have decided to enrich this blog-make it more exciting,mix serious stuff with a dose of humor,and a new element I discovered while holidaying showcasing the photo of the week. Anything random,interesting,thought provoking and entertaining.

So,what say you? With me...

Good.

Okay,so at the start of every year,instead of making (Re)solutions, I try and work out the lessons or solutions learned from my journey over the last 365 (or 366 in last year's case).

As soon as it's modified,I'll put up the list but feel free to comment.

**The more you know**

Sentence of the week: Aesthetically Belligerent.

Santi