Rules of (Dis)Engagement

Hello Earthlings...
Well, I just recently got back into the 'dating' scene and having spent the last 3 years making a whole tonne of 'don'ts'...it's about darn time that I learnt from them. So, what have I learnt you may ask? Not everyone loves John Denver...Or Kenny G...! What you may consider cool and quirky just comes plain off weird and uninteresting and apparently, men like interesting! Be Cool. Drink Milk.

Enough of the digressing, so I have come to the cold conclusion, that, as much as I don't like to believe it, rules exist in dating and if you don't adhere to them, you will get burnt. So, why all these games you may ask? Well, imagine the animal kingdom for example...before the Lion captures his mate, a long period of 'chasing' ensues, before the Lioness finally gives in to the strongest Lion. And it's usually the Lion vying for her attention (then again, lionesses mate with more than one male at a time)...

So, what can we learn from the animal kingdom apart from the fact that Lions copulate twenty to forty times a day for several days without eating?!

Well, I thought you'd never ask my friends...so without further ado...I present my list of Dating Do's and Don’ts for the lay-deez courtesy of this here link, but modified slightly, that will hopefully help you make wiser choices and not repeat past mistakes, it’s all in good fun. Feminists...you have been warned!

1. Look good. Now I'm not saying be high maintenance, but take pride in how you look and dress. Ladies, we all know how good we feel when we look good. Confidence is always sexy and besides, no one wants to date Miss Dunkin Donuts 2009 (ouch!). Look presentable and stay healthy, and you'll turn heads. First impressions are lasting and men decide if they're interested, not by the fact that you can recite all Shakespearean novels, or do a standing split, whilst balancing a book on your head half drunk (which mind you, is a very good trick if you can master it, not that I would know…), but they react, initially, by what they see...Capiche?

Capiche.

2. Keep the dates/encounters brief. Keep him guessing and coming back for more. Revealing everything about yourself makes you uninteresting and frankly no one wants to date boring... It’s like finding out that Harry Potter doesn’t die after all in the last book, before having read past the first book!! Don’t give away too much…

3. Keep him waiting. You shouldn't have to pull out your own chair. And he can have a really good excuse, but it's rude. A lady must never be left waiting.

4. I like this one. Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know a Florist...pull a Johnnie Walker, and keep walking!

Zing!

5. Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying. No matter how strong the urge is to pick up the phone EVERY TIME he calls, do.not.do.it!!…Avoid volleying random text messages and answer only when necessary!

6. If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday. I have gotten into PLENTY of discussions with my girlfriends about this, and truth is, when you're too available or desperate, a man loses interest and you turn into a doormat. He should be chasing you ladies! *You can give in every once in a while though…playing TOO hard to get can backfire as well. Key phrase, ONCE IN A WHILE*

7. You're doing it, you’re doing it, you’re doing it…NOT! Never EVER sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything. I repeat, do not sleep with him early on in the game. No matter how much the urge, don’t rationalise it…Trust me, it will end badly!

Self explanatory people...the thing is, with women, we get emotional the minute sex gets thrown in...And you would rather someone got to know you for you, not coz he wants to get the prize.
If he breaks-up with you because you won’t sleep with him early on, then you know that he was in it for the wrong reasons, and good riddance! Besides, when you do it early on, you hardly know the person and you could end up like this woman.

Can I get a witness?

Amen.

*** PSA: STD's Kill...Use a condom***

8. Keep him waiting. Don't show up early. From the wise words of Bobby Brown,’ it’s my prerogative'...Nuff Said.

9. If the guy in the corner is a Lenny Kravitz look-alike (I have a ‘thing’ for Mr. Kravitz…) go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.

This one is kind of a contradiction to all the other rules...but it makes sense a lot of the time. You don't have to wait for the guy to make the moves first. Some women exude a certain 'aura' about them that intimidates or makes men shy away from them. It’s simple, if you like him, go say 'hello'...

10. This is one of mine. Never get his number. Let him get your digits. Even when he tries to give you his number, don’t take it. This ensures he calls you and you don't call him on a drunken night out with the girls, professing your undying love, and how your wedding to him will be presided by the Dalai Lama and the names of all 16 of your kids, including the 2 you plan on adopting from the mountains of Mongolia before you retreat to Antarctica to help save the seals whilst living with the Eskimos for 2 years... Or maybe that's just me...

*sigh*

So kids, what have we learnt from all this? Let me know and share some of your tips and 'rules' about the dating game. I am off to use some of them in the real world and also hide the stash of John Denver Cd's .March is the month of all things lovey dovey, and kiss kiss (Shout to Chris Brown)..

Stays posted and remember,the more you know...

-Santi